Should You Make Your Kids Hug Relatives Over the Holidays? Experts Weigh In

From the Girl Scouts of the USA to family physicians, voices across the parenting world have weighed in on whether kids should be made to embrace their relatives. Their advice offers families a gentler way to navigate this season's greetings.

As the holiday season draws near, many families will be traveling across the country for long-awaited reunions. Plenty of people can recall being told as children to hug relatives at such gatherings, whether they wanted to or not.

A woman embracing her niece | Source: Getty Images

It's a practice some parents still follow and see no harm in. Lately, however, the idea of making children hug relatives regardless of their consent, comfort, and boundaries has sparked a delicate debate.

Back in 2019, the Girl Scouts of the USA made headlines when the organization issued a timely reminder to parents of girls ahead of that year's holiday season. "She doesn't owe anyone a hug," a press release on the topic read.

If girls are told to hug someone instead of choosing to do so of their own volition, they might "get the wrong idea about consent and physical affection," the release stated.

A woman hugging a man | Source: Getty Images

"The notion of consent may seem very grown-up and like something that doesn't pertain to children," said Andrea Bastiani Archibald, a developmental psychologist for the Girl Scouts.

She continued, "But the lessons girls learn when they're young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older."

"Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help," Dr. Archibald added.

A father embracing his daughter | Source: Getty Images

Years later, the subject remains a hot topic in online discourse. Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a parenting expert and family physician, says the holidays often bring the tension between good manners and bodily autonomy into sharp focus.

"Physical touch should never be coercive," Dr. Gilboa said. "It is super confusing to send kids the mixed messages of body privacy and body safety and then force them to do something intimate with their bodies."

Karen Days, the former president of the Center for Family Safety and Healing at Nationwide Children's Hospital, echoed that view, warning that pushing children to accept unwanted affection can send a harmful message.

A grandmother hugging her grandson | Source: Getty Images

Days explained that such forced affection risks teaching children a harmful idea: that anyone familiar to them has an automatic right to touch them. While parents frequently warn about "stranger danger," she observed, they don't always make it clear that people children know must also honor their boundaries.

This blind spot, Days said, can leave children struggling to identify or speak up about inappropriate behavior, as they may not recognize when something or someone has crossed a line.

A grandmother kissing her granddaughter | Source: Getty Images

She stressed that parents should teach children they are never obligated to do something that makes them uncomfortable, even if the request for a hug comes from a grandparent, uncle, or cousin.

Days noted that most adults who ask for hugs and kisses mean no harm and are simply seeking a sense of love and closeness. Even so, she said, parents shouldn't make their children uncomfortable just to protect a relative's feelings.

A father and son doing a fist bump | Source: Getty Images

A child might offer a high-five, a fist bump, or a handshake instead. They could also share a drawing they made, show a video of themselves scoring a soccer goal, or play a song just for that special relative.

Small gestures like these can still express plenty of love, showing family members that affection comes in many forms. According to Gilboa, they communicate a clear message: "I want to share with you. It is just my body that I am not comfortable sharing with you."